I think I’m going to start a segment called truth. I was going to have a segment called not truth/lie, but then that would get confusing and what I would be trying to reveal/not reveal would never come out because I’d be confused about what I’m writing. Kind of like I am now. Are you confused? I just confused myself. It takes a pretty smart person to do confuse oneself. I’m just saying.

I got this idea from David Letterman- actually, every late night talk show host has segments, but Dave and I have the same sense of humor. That of a 5 year old boy who laughs at the word poop. His segments are always very off the wall, but my favorite one so far was a clip of a monkey sneezing. I watch this monkey just sitting in a chair for 45 seconds and suddenly it sneezes an I think I tinkled a little from laughing so hard. It sneezed like a human baby! If that doesn’t bring joy to your heart you need to hit that yellow brick road  and when you get to the end of it ask the great OZ to give you a heart like he did that tin man. My most favorite ongoing segment has to be Chuck Norris lever on Conan. He pulls the lever and shows a particularly corny clip from Walker, Texas Ranger in which Walker is fake karate chopping a martial arts master who in real life would snap Chuck’s neck before Chuck could say stick ‘em up. Ok. Enough about segments.

These truths aren’t going to be in any order because I know after number four I’m going to forget what number I’m on and will be too lazy to scroll down my own blog to figure out which number is next. And then I’ll just put what I think is next but it’ll be the wrong one and someone will call me on it and I’ll unfriend them on Facebook and it will be very messy and emotional. So truths will not be in order.

And one day if I’m feeling extra smart I’ll post a bonus untruth and confuse the crap out of everyone.

Truth #394: There are two things I like to do when I’m drunk. Do the Megan dance. And pretend like I’m making it rain. Like that Fat Joe song. And I do it super fast and make the noise like I’m really making cash fly all over the place “pfft pfft pfft pfft pfft!” When I’m drunk, it’s the most innovative dance ever and no one can top me.