Why do I love my co-worker Jackie? Let me count the ways. Everyone has that one person they work with who is the “I’d probably be friends with you if I met you outside of work” person. I’d probably be friends with Jackie outside of work, but I’d also be ok with her following me around and narrating my life story and bossing people around because Jackie’s is multi-talented, but she’s REALLY good at one thing: telling it like is. No sugarcoating, no apologies. Just calling is as she sees it. So this post is dedicated to reasons I love Jackie and why you should read her blog Jackpot Jackie.
1. Jackie tells it like its. I’m not one to say things the moment a thought formulates my brain- I’m a thinker. When I get into an argument with someone, I go home and stew about it and then write down the entire conversation the way it should’ve gone (This usually ends with me winning the argument even if it’s a no-win situation, which by the way there is no such thing as no-win). Not to say that Jackie isn’t a thinker, she just thinks faster. And she says what everyone else is thinking. So half the time when Jackie tells it like it is, its unintentionally funny because we were all thinking it but she’s the only one with the perspective of “so what if I say it? what’s the worst they can do/say?” Most people would call this being a smart mouth. I just call it Jackie Syndrome. Syndrome has a bad connotation and Jackie Syndrome is in no way a bad thing because sometimes a fool just needs to be told how it is.
2. Jackie tells it how it is. Pretty simple. Jackie will tell you what the fuck is up. She’s not a “my way or the highway” type, but you should probably just take whatever she says as truth and not question it. She could probably talk her way out of a ticket by convincing the cop he’s in the wrong. She’s just that good.
(edit: I forgot Jackie did get a traffic ticket. Another story for another time. And it’s good!)
3. Jackie is the master planner. I wouldn’t call Jackie so much bossy as much as she’s the type of person who steps in when your game plan falls apart, comes up with a new strategy on the spot and assigns everyone a task and tells them to get to it. This is a skill I don’t and probably never will possess. I panic. I cry. I emotional eat. I stop answering e-mails and don’t answer the phone. When conflict arises and my plan doesn’t pan out, I’m as good as a cell phone in a dead zone-totally useless. Jackie knows how to troubleshoot on the spot and if the situation is beyond her control she can offer up some decent personalized advice/help. For example, she reminded me mid-meltdown one lunch break that the market down the street from our office has wine. Not only has she accepted my love for daytime drinking, she knew that it would probably solve 95% of the problems I was having that day.
4. Jackie is knowledgeable about useless Iphone apps and generously shares them with everyone at lunch. Case in point: the shotgun. Classic Jackie is showing up to lunch one day and showing all of us how to shoot a shotgun on her phone and then subsequently showing us a You Tube video of a man using said app on what I’m guessing was a commute on the 405 freeway and shooting everyone in his way. Why have a TV in the break room when Jackie is there shaking her Iphone to imitate a Crips vs. Latin Kings shoot out, share useless facts and read us the best of the best from Texts from Last Night?
5. Jackie creates the best nicknames. I’m not big on nicknames because growing up the difficulty of my name seemed to stump the most intelligent of adults and I was constantly faced with the “Well gee your name is a mouthful, have a nickname?” question. Now I’ve just accepted that the general public is pretty stupid and others wrestling with my tongue-twister of a name is a problem for them to deal with and not me. To be honest, it’s probably only OK that Jackie has dubbed me Mel Mel and I would kind of be weirded out to hear anyone else calling me that. Friendship is giving someone a nickname they don’t hate.
6. Jackie could be a permanent fixture on House. Jackie has a lot of what I call Jackie-specific health problems that most people I know wouldn’t take in stride like she does. If Jackie gets the flu, she doesn’t just get the flu, she owns the flu. I’m currently writing up my six-episode character arch based on her life and sending it to the producers of House because her life is definitely more interesting than some of the stuff I’ve seen on that show. And I’d love to see Dr. House have someone to spar with. Her most recent health conundrum is that she’s now on a gluten free diet, which isn’t so far out. But Jackie made sure to keep us in the loop in her gluten-free status by sending us a list of all of the things she could and could not eat that were categorized by “will make me definitely sick,” “might make me sick,” and “won’t make me sick!” Now that we’re all thoroughly informed, anyone who asks “can you eat that?” can expect a slap to the head. Read the list!
7. Jackie will keep you informed of celebrity gossip. Perez Hilton who? Jackie is the walking, talking version of People magazine and I now simply rely on her to relay to me what Lindsay wore to jail, who has the cutest baby bump, and which Kardashian was partying in Vegas over the weekend. Again, her commentary is key. She doesn’t just tell you who’s doing what, she TELLS you.
8. Every day is an adventure with Jackie. Even on the most dull days at work, Jackie can be counted on for witty commentary and if anything she’ll forward you only the most offensive People of Wal-mart entries to keep your attention from wandering to naptime or overeating. Life at the office is never boring when Jackie’s there to start arguments about which sandwich establishment is better, Subway or Port-of Subs (Subway obvi! according to the Gospel of Jackie).
So. That’s Jackie in a nutshell. Below is her blog, Jackpot Jackie-check it out. And if you ever want to come to work and meet her, I’m booking appearances in her calendar. She’s kind of a big deal.
